Following a recent spate of government laptops containing top-secret data being lost or stolen, the government has ordered a 'less than effective' crack down.

Taxi-driver found secrets

This week Smeg News has been handed a top-secret document which was found in a taxi just outside Grimsby. The document was found by taxi-driver Bernard Freckle while cleaning out his cab at the end of his shift. Mr Freckle described how he found the document, "My wife passed-away last year, so I looked on the floor and there it was. I instantly recognised it as a top-secret document".

Document Found In Taxi

We persuaded our local encryption specialist, Professor Jasper Codlips to analyse the 2 inch by 3 inch document. "Well this document appears to be a report of a special meeting between a government agent and a contact possibly working for another organisation". Professor Codlips continued, "The agent in this case is only referred to as 'Janet'. The name of the other contact is not disclosed, although I believe he is a foreign embassy worker who has entered the country on a visa, and possibly drinks a lot. Documents like this are found all the time, only last week I found a tiny pink document containing a six number missile launch code".

We asked a contact at MI6, the secret UK government espionage department, what the consequences of this discovery are; he had the following to say: "The boss is on his way to a covert meeting with the Home Secretary to begin a cover-up operation, finding and removing 'Janet' has become top priority. Now if you excuse me, I have to finish polishing this floor by 2 AM."

The government has good reason to be embarrassed - This comes just a week after the shock revelation that a small fragment of a secret document containing the coded phrase 'One Adult - Town Centre' was accidentally handed to a passenger by a careless agent posing as a bus driver.